


Push/Pull (Rivamika Week 2014)

by alienheartattack (Sanneke)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3114047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanneke/pseuds/alienheartattack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A secret affair becomes much less fun when real life intrudes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push/Pull (Rivamika Week 2014)

They meet in storerooms and behind outhouses, illuminated by the light of the moon or by stolen candlelight. Their time together is always short, so they make it count: they kiss until their lips are bruised, grasp at each other until they leave half-moon indentations of fingernails and bruises in the shape of their fingertips. Levi is sure that someone can hear their rough breaths, the sound of their flesh meeting and separating, the occasional whimper from Mikasa’s lips. She insists that they would have been caught by now, so they may as well continue to meet like this.

When they are out on an expedition, they sit before the campfire until the rest of the squad has gone to sleep. He does not sleep much and neither does she, so no one thinks anything is amiss when it is just the two of them sitting side by side, watching the flames. Once they hear the even, deep breaths and occasional snores of the other soldiers, they slip away to the nearest wooded area. When they are in the barracks, Mikasa knows to pretend to go to the latrine two hours after the call for lights out and wait for him by the back door to the mess hall. From there they will find a secluded place or simply fall upon each other right there, fumbling at each other’s clothing.

They know it is wrong. They know the consequences. But they are discreet and no one seems to suspect a thing, so they continue.

Mikasa is hard on her body, constantly pushing it to its limit and then some, so when her period is late one month she pays no mind. But then it doesn’t come the next month either, and she decides she has to let Levi know.

Levi, to his credit, reacts better than Mikasa thought he would. He grunts, then says that they need to do something about it, and that is the end of the discussion. A few days later, he calls her into his office and shoves a thick encyclopedia of plants into her hands, open to a page toward the center of the book.

He stabs one slim finger at a picture of a tall plant covered in dark jagged leaves. “Mugwort,” he says. “That’s what you use. If you’ve heard anything about pennyroyal, don’t use it. It could kill you.”

Mikasa swallows thickly and nods, her eyes tracing the points of the mugwort leaves. “It’s for humanity,” she murmurs, though she’s not sure if she’s justifying or reassuring herself.

Levi looks shocked for a moment, then his face hardens into his usual cool look. “It is.” He sighs, then takes the book from her hands, deposits it on his desk. “You’re humanity’s mother, in a sense. You fight for them. You protect them.”

"Ironically, being a mother in my own right would mean failing them."

"We need you too much," he says, throwing his arms around her neck and pressing an awkward kiss to her chin.

She looks away, her dark gaze trained on the cover of the discarded book of plants. “We? Do you include yourself in that?”

Levi scowls. “Look at me.” She complies. “Of course I do. Don’t you dare think for one second that I’m not upset about this.”

Mikasa smiles sadly. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “I was thinking… No. I shouldn’t say it.”

"Say what?"

"I was thinking you would have been a good father."

Levi sucks in a deep breath as he looks up at her, tries to comprehend her words and finds it all too easy to imagine him sitting by the fire, reading to a small crowd of raven-haired children who hang onto his every word with rapt attention. Mikasa calls for dinner, and the children all race into the kitchen, excited because tonight she’s making beef stew, their favorite and Papa’s as well…

He shakes his head, hoping that he can physically dislodge the memory since his mind wants to hold onto it, revisit it, carry it with him like a keepsake of a future neither of them will probably ever see. “I think you would be a great mother, when the time is right. You will be a great mother,” he replies, kissing her gently.


End file.
